


Emily

by Oracle0429



Category: The Handmaid's Tale (TV)
Genre: F/F, Gen, talk of death, talk of masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 06:48:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12293580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oracle0429/pseuds/Oracle0429
Summary: Emily's thoughts turn to sex, in spite of her condition.





	Emily

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS FOR MOST EPISODES OF THE HANDMAID'S TALE! You have been warned!
> 
> Super, super tiny fic that I wrote after finishing The Handmaid's Tale (Highly recommended btw). I identified so much with Emily/Ofglen/Ofsteven that it pained me to see her go through so much!

‘They were two halves of the same coin, being used to pay for the sins of the past.‘

Don't touch...it's too painful of a reminder of the things she'd lost. Emily didn't think she could even be aroused anymore. Aunt Lydia seemed so sure of herself at the hospital. Yet here she was, alone in her bed with the thoughts of her wife, Kira. She closed her eyes and remembered how the love of her life smelled. Coconut and vanilla. How the sound of her voice could do things to her that no man had ever accomplished with his hands, let alone his cock. Especially when she spoke to her in French. She moved her hand down her body but stopped before reaching its destination. She can't touch herself anymore, it feels foreign to her now down there. They say that they physically stole her ability to feel pleasure, however Kira used to say that the brain was the most sexual organ and she would be damned if they took that from her too. 

She still felt so guilty for Martha...no not Martha her name was Lizzie. She had been a nurse in Kansas before Gilead. Now she was hung on the Wall, her mouth still covered. Silenced forever. The cloth that was draped over her face to show that she was convicted of being a lesbian. She now refused to call herself Ofsteven, she was Emily. They were all someone before Gilead...Offred was June and Martha was Lizzie. Closing her eyes again, she tried to pushed thoughts of Lizzie from her mind. She can't think of her any more the pain too severe over her inability to curb her lust. 

“Fuck…” She breathes, hating to hear the indoctrination of the Aunts filter into her head. No, it wasn't lust, it was loneliness, plain and simple. When they fucked it wasn't about love, it was about a shared loss of freedom and identity. They were two halves of the same coin, being used to pay for the sins of the past. Kira had begun to fade in her memory and Emily needed that touch to remind her all she loved about women. However now her own touches reminded her of him inside her and his wife's hands holding her wrists. She did admit that Steven was better than Glen in that he didn't request blowjobs from her. It was a pseudo-blessing that she hated to count among her too few to number. He did his duty at the Ceremony but otherwise left her alone, to which she was grateful. His wife praised her everyday in a way that unnerved her, complimented her on everything from her handmaids robes to her looks. If she didn't know better she would swear she was flirting with her. 

No, it was a trap. Something more for their false crimes for them to finally overlook her two good ovaries and hang her for being a gender traitor. The sound of the words made her want to throw up, because in truth she wasn't a traitor to her gender. She was a criminal because she had the audacity to not want to fuck men. She closed her eyes again and allowed herself to see flashes of Kira in her wedding dress before she was able to finally drift off to sleep.


End file.
